from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
