I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
