OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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