The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
