Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
