Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
