6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
