i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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