eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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