he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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