this boner is exhausting
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
