i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
