I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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