it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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