Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
