I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
