the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
