I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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