Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
