At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
