He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
