ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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