btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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