How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
