hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
