just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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