i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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