We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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