You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
