stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
