At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its not stalking. its research.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
