he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize