Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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