if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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