if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
