I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
