haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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