I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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