i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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