I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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