U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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