Pregnant stripper...not hot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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