she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
