We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
