you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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