I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
