I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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