The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
