yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
