I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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