Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
