Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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