the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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