and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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