They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
