you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
