Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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