she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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