The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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